Happy Valentines Day week from your local single gal
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Let me preface this by saying, I don’t hate Valentine’s Day. I really think very little of it generally (coupled or no). Though I do miss the days of writing Valentine’s cards for all my classmates in elementary school, gluing or taping some sort of individually wrapped candy or chocolate (usually a Hershey’s Kiss) to each little card while I struggled to remember how to spell everyone’s name. And of course those heart-shaped candies!
Valentine’s Day is more fun when you’re a kid, before the pressures of finding romantic love. It’s a shame that if you’re a single adult, you’re often ousted from the Hallmark holiday in many ways. Sometimes you can’t even buy a ticket to a Valentine’s event for an odd number of people (especially not for one). There are also countless TV shows with at least one episode depicting some woman in her 20s or 30s, depressed or angry on Valentine’s about either having no one or being woefully disappointed by their partner’s gift, or being late to dinner, or some other TV dating trope. And it’s always the woman, isn’t it? Celebrating Galentine’s day or rebelling against the holiday altogether. Men are never shown to be up in arms about Feb. 14. Yet, article after article has come out in recent years about how loneliness is killing men in real life. That they’re feeling increasingly disconnected emotionally from their friends and family or struggling to find a partner. There might not be enough space to go into depth in this column (it’s easy enough to find these articles through a quick Google search), but I think it’s important to mention that men can be equally bummed out about not having someone to celebrate Valentine’s with. They just might not be as vocal about it.
Reflecting on Valentine’s Day can be quite revealing. It brings to the forefront the societal pressures we all feel, regardless of gender, to not be alone. Though what’s even more revealing is that we deem someone is alone, simply because they’re single. I can tell you right now I am the least alone and simultaneously the most single I’ve been (if single can be measured in degrees). I’m surrounded by family at home, and colleagues and friends when I’m in the office, all of whom leave me feeling very much fulfilled, cared for, inspired, and generally accompanied. And I’m not saying this to rub it in for anyone feeling alone, either within or without a romantic relationship, but merely because the other types of love in our lives deserve some of the spotlight this week.
Yes, Valentine’s Day can be a ridiculous and shallow holiday, perpetuating the capitalization of otherwise real human emotions and vulnerabilities. But it also presents an opportunity to recognize the people in our lives who make each day easier to get through, whether in big or small ways. Let’s not do ourselves the disservice of dismissing the love we do have in our lives, simply because we don’t have a romantic partner.
