The regulars

Where everybody knows your name

In his 1989 book The Great Good Place, sociologist Ray Oldenburg coined the term “third place” to describe community hangout spots like bars, restaurants and bakeries. To Oldenburg, if home is your “first place” and work is your “second,” these social hubs are the vital “third places” that keep a community’s heart beating. In a 2026 follow-up, co-author Karen Christensen takes it further, arguing that these spots are an answer to loneliness, political polarization, and even climate resilience.

The authors say true third places have a few things in common: they are open and inviting; comfortable and informal; convenient; and unpretentious. They have regulars, conversation is the main activity and laughter is frequent.

Oldenburg notes the historical importance of such places, citing the American tavern in the American Revolution, the French cafe in the French Revolution, the London coffee house during the Enlightenment and even the agora in Greek democracy.

To see what it’s like to be a local regular, the Advocate caught up with three residents and the shop owners who keep their coffee hot, their beer cold and their food tasty.

“I like the people. There is the usual clientele and staff when I get there. I have developed some close relationships with the people there and enjoy their company. No one comes across as pretentious, but rather welcoming and friendly,” says Ron Smith, a regular at the Coach and Horses in Lindsay.

Smith, who runs a small business, drops into the pub three or four times a week. For him, the Coach is a necessary escape from his home office.

“I work from home all day. To stay home in the evening after sitting at the computer or on the phone would make me go stir-crazy. It’s hard to work from home all day and then stay home all night. I’d say it’s good for my mental health. That social interaction makes a good balance with my work life. I enjoy getting out and actually being with people. Beyond family, it’s really the only true social interaction I get.”

“The food is awesome, too,” he adds.

Robyn Todd is a retired medical transcriptionist who has called Downeyville home for 30 years. She visits Brouwer’s Bakeshop one to three times a week. When asked what keeps her coming back, she starts listing almost everything on the menu — from the fresh bread and pizzas to the gourmet coffee and ice cream.

But for Todd, it’s about more than the treats. It’s a place where she can bring visiting family and always feel welcome. “The staff know everyone’s name and you’re always greeted with a smile. It’s where I catch up with my neighbours or chat with folks just passing through town.”

While these spots might feel like public living rooms, they are also small businesses that count on those familiar faces to stay afloat.

As Hannah Brouwer, owner of Brouwer’s Bakeshop, notes, “Having a business in a small town like Downeyville means that a very large chunk of our customers are considered regulars. The regulars tend to be Downeyville locals and I think they just enjoy having somewhere to stop in on their way to work or wherever they are heading off to. These types of customers are such an important part of our business and help keep things moving for us year-round. Overall, our business thrives on having regulars. Of course, the winter months slow down for us, but we can still always count on those regulars. We’re so grateful for them.”

Samena Kennedy, owner of The Locker at the Falls, agrees. “Regulars are the backbone of any hospitality business. Things have become very unstable and unpredictable post-COVID and regulars really help keep our faith in our community and operations going.”

“Whether it’s a daily, weekly or once-a-month visit, we rely on connections built with our regulars to maintain a certain level of incoming sales, which ensures employment of individuals and supports our community,” she adds.

But it’s not just about the bottom line. Everyone we spoke to describes a bond that goes way beyond a simple monetary transaction.

For Jake Martins, a butcher and lifelong Fenelon Falls resident, the connection at The Locker at the Falls was instant. “The first time I stepped foot in the building over six years ago, I knew from that experience that this was gonna be my local watering hole,” he says. “I have grown very close with the staff over the years, considering them like family; they are always very welcoming, love to have a laugh and are amazing at what they do,” he adds.

And sometimes, these family-like relationships can become the real thing.

“Some of our regulars have become integrated into our outside lives,” Kennedy explains. “My soon-to-be son-in-law was a regular before he became engaged to our oldest daughter. They met and their love blossomed from our first Locker location. And one of our groomsmen from my wedding was actually a bar regular from my service days 16 years ago.”

That sense of family is exactly why Kim Wagg and her sister, Nicole, decided to buy the Coach and Horses. “The regulars were the main reason we wanted to take over the pub,” Wagg says.

Of course, being like family means sharing the hard times, too. As Wagg explains, “Our regulars begin to feel like family and when one is suffering, our little community rallies together to help. When one of our regulars is hurting, our little community pulls together,” says Wagg. “It’s heartbreaking when we lose someone to illness or age. It’s  why many families have chosen our pub to hold a celebration of life, because the families know that their loved ones loved it here and were loved here,” adds Wagg.

And that important emotional support goes both ways. Kennedy recalls a personal tragedy from years ago when she lost a child. “I suffered a personal tragedy many years ago with the loss of a child. My regulars from the establishment I served at all showed up for the funeral. I have never felt more supported and honoured by a group of regulars in my life. Years of service does gain loyalty and respect for each other.”

Of course, even the best relationships have their quirks. If you follow any servers on social media, you’ve probably seen the memes that both poke fun at and praise the “classic” bar regular.

Kennedy says that because regulars feel so at home, they can get pretty attached to the way things are — which can make it a challenge to change up the menu or the layout. There is also a real emotional bond that grows between the staff and the people they serve.

“It can be incredibly hard for staff to move on to new careers because they know they’ll miss their customers after years together,” Kennedy says. “I’ve even seen servers keep just one shift a week after getting a new job, simply because they didn’t want to lose that connection with their patrons.”

According to Kennedy, that sense of ownership can get pretty specific. “Some regulars have ‘their’ seat. It’s always funny to watch them get a little flustered if someone else is sitting in it. It’s that classic Cheers mentality — everyone knows your name, and everyone knows exactly where you’re supposed to sit,” she laughs.

But it’s that sense of place that regulars get in their local establishment that often contributes to a form of greater civic engagement.

“At the Coach, the regulars aren’t just there for a pint — they’re there to help. “With their support, we hold two charity golf tournaments a year, plus food and toy drives,” says Wagg. “Last year, we served nearly 200 people at our free Christmas Day dinner. We couldn’t do any of it without our regulars,” explains Wagg.

In the end, while every customer makes a choice where to spend their money, the “regulars” in Kawartha Lakes are doing something more. They’re building a community, one conversation and one laugh at a time.