Second place
Trevor Hutchinson is a writer, musician and not-for-profit executive. He lives in Lindsay with his wife and three of their children.
Despite my many efforts, I can really suck at being a parent. Take, for example, my youngest daughter, who is still in high school. She’s really smart, works hard at a part-time job, and gets excellent grades. But despite often doing very well on tests, she experiences a fair amount of pre-test anxiety.
I suggested that she wouldn’t experience the anxiety of finishing second if she always finished first. That seemed like pretty easy math to my Gen-X brain. Apparently, though, that’s “bad parenting.” My bad. I was joking, albeit from a hard-wired place.
It’s just that my generation didn’t talk about feelings. We were latchkey kids who grew up in pre-internet isolation. We were conditioned to believe that toughness, silence, and being “in control” were superior to vulnerability. Coming of age in an economic recession with the constant threat of nuclear Armageddon over our heads, we developed a nihilistic stoicism.
Today, we have more mid-life distress than previous generations. More than 20 per cent of us have mental health issues, yet we are 16 per cent less likely to use mental health services than other demographic groups. (Our music is pretty good, though, if you don’t mind the over-the-top malaise and all the heroin.)
Millennials took that Gen-X stoicism and perfected “hustle culture,” where you “rise and grind” with a “you don’t win second, you lose first” attitude. At its worst, this success-at-all-costs view brought us “tech bros” and the glorification of the 996 mentality (working 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., six days a week). This has led to a brand of “toxic individualism.” Often embedded in the self-help movement, this trend damages our democracy and culture by promoting a “me-first” mentality that erodes community bonds and civic engagement. By emphasizing total self-reliance and personal happiness, this movement undermines collective action, increases polarization, and ignores the systemic factors affecting people’s lives. It is a clear and present danger to our very way of life.
That chin-up attitude might have worked for me when I thought the Soviets would annihilate us at any second, but perhaps it’s time for my generation to take some cues from Gen Z, whose #softlife approach values mental health and social cohesion. The whole idea of a “soft life” may be anathema to Gen X’ers like myself, but so be it. I can’t not be Gen X, but maybe I can use our love of routine and penchant for eclectic, niche information to teach this old dog a new trick.
Maybe I’ll turn to local hockey lore and celebrate the Lindsay Carew Lumberjacks Midgets, who went to the Ontario finals in the 1946-47 season. That team was coached by local sports legend Elwood “Sixty” Coombs, Jr. They finished second. (That team should be inducted into the Lindsay Sports Hall of Fame — just saying.)
As it turns out, second place is more than just okay. It’s freaking great.
