It starts with us . . . ALL of us

The subtitles say it all. The 2012 book Saving Civility, by American author Sara Hacala, offers “52 Ways to Tame Rude, Crude & Attitude for a Polite Planet.” The new book by Canadian journalist Carol Off, At a Loss for Words, is subtitled “Conversation in an Age of Rage.”

This space has already lamented the unnecessary ugliness hurled at our municipal leaders, but you only have to look at the signs in literally every workplace to get the sinking feeling that there is no escape anywhere from rudeness, entitlement and harassment.

There are all kinds of factors speeding our collective slide down this particularly slippery slope. The greasiest of all, though, is a loss of community and connection that leads us to say terrible things online to people we don’t know, or to act rudely because we’ve forgotten the basic humanity of the person we’re berating. We assume the worst of someone, whether it’s our neighbour or a nurse or a cashier, thinking only of our needs instead of the pressures they might be facing.

The answer to incivility is, to be blunt, to be more civil. Every single one of us. Starting now.

Hacala observes that instead of focusing on what everyone else is doing wrong, we need to take an honest look at our own behaviour — especially how we treat others. We must, she says, “take the time to see, hear, and pay attention to the people in our midst.”

That complicates things a little, doesn’t it? Because that means we have to acknowledge the ways in which we ourselves contribute to the problem of incivility, whether that means not thanking the server in a restaurant or honking at someone who’s driving more slowly than you or calling someone names in a Facebook user group.

If you feel the world has become ruder, remember that incivility is not a given. That in turn means each one of us has the power to create a more positive, polite community in every interaction we have with another person.

So, instead of complaining about the behaviour of others this year, let’s pledge to fix our own. It’s not hard, honest, and it won’t just make you feel better to treat others with generosity and respect; the ripple effects brighten another person’s day and inspire them to be kinder, too.

Or, as Hacala puts it, “Awareness of your own conduct, coupled with a commitment to change, can be life altering, becoming a magical needle, mending the deteriorating fabric of society.”

As 2025 beckons, let’s get sewing.