A newbie’s guide to making friends

Mansur's Musings

Community isn’t always the first thing on our to do list when moving to a new place. First there’s unpacking, adjusting to all the new sights and sounds around us, figuring out where to get our essentials, and getting settled into new routines. All these things take time and huge energy resources for just ourselves, let alone if the move is further complicated by those who need us to care for them, like kids, elderly parents, or a family member with chronic illness.

When I moved to the UK as a Canadian, everything was harder in ways I hadn’t thought it could be, even though I was in an English-speaking country. I expected it to be challenging but from day one even the simplest things presented a challenge. The first time I ordered a coffee in London the barista asked me if it was for sit-in or takeaway and my brain short-circuited. Silent, awkward seconds were passing. I was so used to being asked “for-here or to-go” in that context, she might as well have been speaking another language.

After the initial shock of just how different London was, I figured the best way to get through would be to make some friends and fast. Maybe they’d be able to give me recommendations for the best brand of dried pasta to get, the differences between Sainsbury’s, Tesco, and Waitrose (all grocery stores) and overall help me translate my Canadianisms into Britishisms.

Making friends as an adult is hard, and without a job at that time I really didn’t have a place to go to meet people other than the big wide world outside my flat. So, I made a rule. For at least six months I would say yes to any social invitation, not something I would do naturally.

Moving within our own country certainly comes with more familiarity, but a lot of these difficulties can still be true of a more local move. In Saskatchewan a hoodie is called a bunnyhug and in Newfoundland instead of “wait there for me” they say, “stay where you’re at ’til I comes where you’re to.” Even here, many people in smaller communities will have known each other since childhood, and it can be even harder to break into an already established group of friends.

As a newcomer to Lindsay, I want to reach out to all fellow newbies in Kawartha Lakes. I know it’s hard, nerve-wracking, and sometimes it even feels embarrassing to try and make new grown-up friends. Especially these days, where everyone has limited time, and with no obvious evening hang-out spot in town, the conditions of our lives are not always conducive. But prioritizing friendships, in whatever small ways we can, is the life-line to building community in a new place.

And if you’ve moved here in the past year or so, consider reaching out to us to share your story in our Newcomer feature on the last page of this very magazine.