Ah, spring. The smell of lilacs in the air. The hopeful sound of children’s laughter. In town, the buzz of civilized street cleaners and the urban medley of voices in cafes.

And then there’s the dark side of spring.

First, I highlight the young Mensa candidate who chooses to ride his mini dirt bike by my home, in town, on both the street and sidewalk. It’s an auditory onslaught that leaves one with a lingering sense that maybe humanity won’t be okay after all.

The same ilk – brothers in idiocy – are those who tour their unnecessarily loud cars and trucks down Kent Street, a stain on the return to patio life so many crave in late May and into summer. It’s as if the sounds their cars make are intended to show their virility. We get it. You wish to impress your peers with your ample exhaust system and find a mate via your suspect music tastes filtered through your enlarged stereo speakers. Now go away. May I suggest North Bay? (Sorry North Bay, I chose you at random. I’m sure you have your own issues.)

Nothing to do with spring but since I’m feeling a little cranky as I write this, let’s get some other things off my chest.

Online readers of the Advocate —Thank you for reading. However, the key word in those previous four words is ‘reading.’ That doesn’t just mean the headline. Please do not ask us questions that are clearly answered within the story. No one on this team will answer them – it’s a rule we have. Instead, underneath your probing query we will simply write “this question was answered in the article.”

Next! For the love of God, stop saying “the Kawartha Lakes.” It’s just Kawartha Lakes. We don’t even need to say “City of” any longer. We don’t say City of Toronto or City of Peterborough all the time. Even the City of Kawartha Lakes is trying to use just Kawartha Lakes more often. We live in Kawartha Lakes, period. Unless you mean to refer to an area that encompasses Peterborough, only then should you say ‘the’ Kawartha Lakes because both municipalities share the Kawartha Region. If you just mean our municipality, then it’s just Kawartha Lakes.

Now let’s talk about parking. From my booth at Smitty’s last month I observed an octogenarian who attempted to back up into a parking space no less than five times. The thing is, I don’t mean five tries on the same space. I mean he tried five different parking spaces and only on the fifth space did he feel he had succeeded. Meanwhile, other drivers had no idea what to do except stare in trepidation at this vehicular chaos. Young or old, stop backing into parking spaces if you don’t know what you’re doing.

With that off my chest, I’m going to try and enjoy the lilacs and a latte.