I had truly planned to write something pithy and humorous (well, to me at least) for this month’s edition. I ended up binge-watching some Wayne & Shuster. Their take on the assassination of Julius Caesar, ‘Get the Blood off my Toga’ skit is hilarious. Riffing on the Ides of March (which interestingly was also the day Roman’s taxes were due) was about to inspire comedic gold.

But within 12 hours, jokes that ultimately centre around someone being stabbed multiple times kind of lost their appeal when someone attempted to rob me by knifepoint in Lindsay. The attempt was unsuccessful. I received a punch in the head. Any cash I had, and my phone, remained in my possession.

The perpetrator picked the wrong guy on the wrong night. I’m old and weaker than I used to be, but I was once in the army and if I learned anything there it was how to react in a situation. It should be noted: it wasn’t a knife per se; more like the cheapest dollar store box cutter one could buy or steal.

I did not call the cops. It was dark, I had no real description, and I had suffered no loss. I was pulsating with an adrenaline I thought I had lost years ago, and if I’m honest I was in a post-traumatic situation. Also, the punch in the head (which would have been very minor to a healthy person) aggravated a pre-existing brain injury, further affecting my memory the next day. And this is meant in no way to impugn our outstanding constabulary, but my last three break-in reports were just that: reports into the data ether. One gets jaded I guess. On the advice of counsel, all of this hypothetically happened.

I’m fairly positive the guy was on drugs, but that doesn’t exactly narrow things down in, well, any town or city in the world right now. I am privileged to do a bit of travelling and every town or city I have been in is affected by petty probably-drug-related crime.

Whoever he is, I feel sorry for him and not just about his shame of a late-50s grandpa taking him to school. No doubt there have been bad decisions and defaults of character that led to this moment or his current life. But our social supports are inadequate. Our healthcare system is crumbling. Mental health resources are scarce beyond measure. Housing is beyond impossible, even for some people with full-time jobs. Complex problems need science-based, complex and interconnected solutions. The war on drugs is an absolute joke. It has never worked anywhere, ever. Fully legalizing and providing all drugs has helped in Portugal, for example. But that is an argument for another day.

But anyone suggesting that this can be solved by getting tougher on crime and magically increasing treatment without funding, is well, on drugs.