Christmas conspiracy

Trevor Hutchinson headshot

By Trevor Hutchinson

A graduate of the University of Toronto, Trevor Hutchinson is a songwriter, writer and bookkeeper. He serves as Contributing Editor at The Lindsay Advocate. He lives with his fiancee and their five kids in Lindsay.

Yeah. It’s Christmas time again. Even saying it pains me. Christmas is just not my thing, and not because my vegetarian tofurkey is almost as bad as it sounds.

But there are kids in my house and huge swaths of the last three years have sucked beyond measure. So I am starting to wrap my head around accepting, no, embracing hideous decorations and overblown consumerism. You know, for the children (who call me the Grinch at home).

But then I started talking to some of the Freedumb conspiracy folks online. And boy, I thought the New World Order was scary, with all the tracking chips in the mandatory vaccines. It turns out that Christmas is pretty messed up. 

It’s not like I wasn’t already skeptical. If there’s one thing I learned during my B.A. in religious studies and later theology school it’s that Jesus was most likely born in July (according to most biblical scholars). I’d always passed this fact off as part of my religion taking over and Christianizing celebrations in the pagan calendar, because that’s my religion’s thing, historically.

Turns out that factoid is just the tip of the Christmas conspiracy iceberg!

Take Santa for example. The dude has a naughty list, which is basically a list of little future freedom fighters who refuse to comply with tyranny. But the sheeple kids, after succumbing to all the mainstream media brainwashing, will be given stuff magically for free. This teaches socialism and therefore Satanism.

And the socialist puppet masters don’t even try to hide it. Santa is literally an anagram of Satan. Satan goes down to the fiery pit, Santa goes down the chimney to the fireplace. They both wear red. I mean come on people, open your eyes!

And that star on the top of the tree? It’s a freaking aiming mechanism for the Illuminati’s space lasers. And Ho ho ho?: Clearly a celebration of hedonism! Santa goes around the world? Impossible! The earth is flat.

Wait, what? Okay, that was close. And exactly how disinformation campaigns work. They take someone with grievances (in my case the monetization of affection, the people being nice one day a year, fruitcake) and take them down a rabbit hole of nonsense. Next thing you know, there’s no tinfoil for the tofurkey because you used it all making your hat.

So I’ll just go back to trying to like Christmas. I’ll give thanks that my family is not relying on toy drives and foodbanks like it was just six short years ago. I’ll celebrate that people from all walks of life — if only at one time of year — try to help others less fortunate. I’ll say a prayer for the lonely and all the others who find this time of year difficult. I’ll welcome the good wishes of strangers.

So whatever it means or doesn’t mean to you, from my family to yours, Merry Christmas.


  1. steve says:

    I am sure many readers find this offensive!

  2. Scott says:

    I do not find this offensive in any way whatsoever. Christmas is a celebration at it’s heart that is a commercial and social construct designed to influence behaviors and in it’s modern iterations to sell… yes sell. The truth might be uncomfortable for some but facts do not change to be convenient with your personal world view. What I try to bring to Christmas celebrations every year is the belief that it is possible to extend the warmth of our hearths and hearts to each other without strings attached, including Christian ones, thus including everyone. This does not mean “cancelling Christmas”, it simply means accepting that there are many different people who celebrate in many different ways but the underlying theme we are trying to convey is a celebration of life and love and gathering to be together and enjoy each other’s company. “Happy Holidays” says that… it isn’t an attack. So, I accept that there is almost certainly an entity or entities who are much more advanced than humankind if intelligent life exists elsewhere. I accept that it is a good thing to gather with family and friends to celebrate life and love and to share experiences and enjoy what life has provided for another year and take stock. I do not believe that a magical man in the sky dropped a magical man on the planet but I do not force those around me to observe the season exactly the same as I do because I also accept that others have the right to their beliefs and practices so I try to simply say “Happy Holidays” if I can. I think that in part is what is being illustrated here… that it is possible for the “truth” to go in many directions if you let it. I will add as well that the desire to force one’s beliefs on their neighbours to stop the “cancellation” of Christmas is a small example of the same mindset that seems to think forcing their desires and beliefs on the rest of the nation is an expression of love… it is not… It never was… and it certainly is also not “freedom”. Mr Hutchinson and I have not caused any harm to anyone, we have simply expressed our opinions, neither of us expects everyone to simply agree nor would we wish to force our beliefs on others… THAT is freedom and it should also be the spirit of the season, to be able to accept that ALL of us, not just a small subset of right-thinking Christians but ALL of us from ALL religions and beliefs have a right to celebrate the season the way we see fit and it doesn’t harm you nor does it “cancel” Christmas. Somebody not observing YOUR religion in exactly the way you prescribe should not cause you offense.

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